The outer world is so loud
And filled with self-importance.
Yet, the secret places hidden within each of us
Hold even greater treasures.
Pause each day, Listen within.
Make space for wisdom to surface.
Advice to Myself; Look for My Treasure Within
Resistance is Futile
Change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same for very long.
I take the same trail beside the St. Vrain river almost every day, and yet it is never quite the same path two days in a row. One morning last week on the trail, I was surrounded by tree branches filled with fiery autumn leaves. A few mornings later, snow completely blanketed the flaming trees and the sights and sounds of winter engulfed me.
Life is filled with cycles and shifts. From the passing of seasons to the aging of my body, change surrounds and engulfs me. And life continues to shift and change every day, every month, every year. Grasping at the old form, resisting change, makes today hurtful rather than joyful. I learned this lesson the hard way; years ago I owned a property south of Kansas City that I loved. I adored every inch of those 3 acres – every tree, every bush, every blade of grass was special to me. The property was so significant and special that I wrote an entire book about the place (my first book, A Still Place).
And there was nothing bad or wrong about my love of that little parcel of land. The only problem was I clung to it and vowed to live in that spot until I died. Silly, silly woman! Well, life happened; I got divorced from one man and married another. I had a second baby and still I held onto that property. I refused to even think about moving. Then my husband’s job dried up and we faced a move cross-country to Chicago. And I had trouble letting go; I resisted leaving my lovely little property. But we needed to move! The only thing my resistance caused was a slow, slow house sale and a ton of pain and angst.
We eventually sold the property and moved to Chicago. I was so sad, missing my little plot of land, wishing things were different, wanting to roll back the clock and undo the move. But gradually, I let go. And when I finally stopped holding onto my past, I “woke up” and discovered that I was living in an amazing spot. I found myself LOVING this new place and my new life. All it took was letting go of the old life.
That experience left me knowing that my life is WAY less painful when I allow things to change and shift without resisting or pushing against the change. Resistance is futile! Resisting change only leads to pain and misery.
I seem to periodically have to revisit this lesson in letting go and allowing life to unfold organically. I can still make myself miserable trying to force today to look like some “perfect” day long past – or some fantasy day that I’ve never even experienced. I can be so stubborn! But when I remember that little piece of land that I adored so many years ago, I remember the value of letting go.
It’s odd; I have so many fond memories of that land south of Kansas City. 🙂 But now, I also remember all the amazing and wonderful stuff that happened to me when I let it go and moved on with my life. And you know what? Today, I live in a space that is even more amazing! And I would have never ended up here, if I hadn’t let go of that old place.
Life is a river; it keeps flowing and changing and moving. And in every moment I have a choice; I can cling to the riverbank and wear myself out trying to stay right here in this spot. I can fight and resist moving downstream. Or I can let go and allow the flow of life to take me. I can let go and trust that life can be even better around the next bend.
☾☽
Can I stop resisting and be grateful for change?
Can I let go of my urge to control and push and grasp?
Can I allow life to unfold and shift organically?
Can I just breathe and allow today to be?
Fear of Bigness
“Our imagination flies; we are its shadow on the earth.”
–Nabokov
✧
Am I actually sharing just a shadow of my true self with the world? And isn’t the part of me that I dare to share limited, pale and colorless compared to what I am capable of?! Why do I fear my true potency?
Marianne Williamson wrote about this so eloquently; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We fear being too big and bright in the world. We fear our BIG-ness, our potency.
What if I finally take the restraints off and show up in my entirety?
What if the ONLY thing that will save this beautiful planet is choosing to be my Big, Gi-normous self, no matter what? no matter what others think, no matter what others say, no matter what others do, no matter how many “rules” I break in the process?
What will it take for all of us to STOP hiding out and playing small?
What will it take for us to acknowledge and own ALL of our juicy BIG-ness?!
And… what can happen to our world when we embrace our BIG-ness?
What else is possible?
☾☽
“Your divine impulse is yearning to emerge through the human you… In that shift, the more you embrace the Self, the Light, the more you surrender to your own light, the easier it is for you.”
–Sai Maa
☾☽
Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Do Conscious Beings Get Triggered?
Emotion is as natural for humans as breathing.
I don’t make my breathing right or wrong, so why do it with my emotions?
It’s been an interesting week; I have spent more time than I care to remember in my swamp. By swamp I mean a sticky, tangled, mess of uncomfortable emotions within myself. I don’t like my emotional swamp much – a lot of what I experience in the swamp sucks – it hurts. And then I add to my pain by judging myself for feeling this sticky, yucky crap in the first place. I would love to avoid my swamp.
Isn’t life supposed to turn into bliss and pure joy when I open up to more consciousness? Have I failed because I still get triggered after all these years of mindful awareness training? Am I doing this consciousness thing wrong if I still get pissed and sad and scared?
But, wait a minute! All humans emote about their experiences – even beings as aware as Gandhi and Jesus felt emotions. Our bodies are wired to flow with emotion. Emotion is as natural for humans as breathing. I don’t make my breathing right or wrong, so why do it with my emotions?
Every experience I have can trigger emotional reactions, not just the yummy experiences. Where did I get the idea that becoming conscious meant never being triggered, never feeling “yucky” emotions? Isn’t that just a really sneaky way to judge myself and find myself lacking? Just what I need – another way to beat myself up and make myself bad or wrong. NOT!
And what if being more aware in each moment elicits even more emotion within me? All those sensations about this moment that I used to block or ignore are now available to me in my new state of awareness. What if those sensations trigger MORE emotions as I respond to all the new information I am now aware of? Is that somehow wrong?
And isn’t it just another form of judgment to label emotions good or bad, acceptable or repulsive? How is it going to help me to label my emotions as OK and not OK? Can I let go of the idea that some human emotions are a sign of unconsciousness or inferiority?
We are emotional creatures. Trying to stop emotion is like trying to halt the flow of water. Can I allow my emotions to flow without stuffing them? And can I stop judging myself right or wrong for feeling the way I feel in each moment?
What happens if I embrace it all – my grief, my anger, my fear? Can I allow my emotions to be waves washing through me? What happens if I embrace ALL of me – even the parts I don’t like – in every moment?
“It’s not that you won’t be triggered anymore.
It’s that you won’t have a problem being triggered anymore.”
–Panache Desai
Moon Musings
I bought a lunar calendar this year. It has the year divided into 13 moons instead of 12 months. After years of looking at the year as the month of January followed by February followed by March… it takes a bit of adjustment to track the year by moon cycles. After all, I have been trained since Kindergarten to track what month it is! But keeping track of which moon cycle we are in this year has opened my eyes to nature’s rhythms and cycles in a deeper way. And it’s shown me yet another way of looking at my world that is filled with wisdom and truth. And I have discovered that I can use and learn from both ways of looking at the world; I can follow the cycles of the moon and stars AND I can honor 4th of July and celebrate Christmas on December 25th again this year. I do NOT have to choose and lock into only one way of looking at my world. Truth and wisdom can be found in many forms.
Tracking moon cycles has deepened my awareness of my own cycles. I am female, which means my emotions ebb and flow and cycle like the moon. It is the way nature wired women to operate. Don’t believe me? Well if you’re female, find a lunar calendar and start taking note of how your mood ebbs and flows during any given lunar cycle. And if you’re male, track your wife or girlfriend’s moods. Try it and you’ll see how lunar women truly are. It is not just our menses that are tied to Mother Moon. And how cool is it to be intimately tied to Mother Moon. I find it somehow comforting.
Every year on planet Earth contains 13 lunar cycles. That’s actually not just Native American folklore – it’s astronomy. The length of our year is determined by how long it takes the Earth to go all the way around the Sun. And Mother Moon cycles around the Earth 13 times in the time it takes the Earth to cycle around Father Sun, whether we believe in and honor pagan rituals or not.
For those of you who haven’t ever paid attention to the moon before, a new moon is the time every month when the moon is dark and cannot be seen in our night sky. A new moon lasts 2-3 nights and then a tiny sliver of the waxing (growing) moon shows herself again in the night sky. In many earth based traditions, each new moon marks the beginning of a cycle. Many ancient cultures who were more intimately tied to the natural cycles on Earth, believed that new moon energy marks the perfect time for renewal and / or beginning new projects.
We entered the 10th moon cycle last weekend.
Several years ago, I discovered a wonderful book that shares Native American wisdom and legends about each moon cycle on our Earth; it’s called The 13 Original Clan Mothers by Jamie Sams. One Clan Mother or Grandmother is said to watch over us in each lunar cycle. I don’t know about you, but I LOVE the idea of Grandmothers guiding and watching over me (some would label me a female chauvinist). And I also adore the magical names that Sams uses to describe the energy of what each Grandmother focuses on.
1st Moon: Talks with Relations
2nd Moon: Wisdom Keeper
3rd Moon: Weighs the Truth
4th Moon: Looks for Woman
5th Moon: Listening Woman
6th Moon: Storyteller
7th Moon: Loves All Things
8th Moon: She Who Heals
9th Moon: Setting Sun Woman
10th Moon: Weaves the Web <== Our current lunar cycle
11th Moon: Walks Tall Woman
12th Moon: Gives Praise
13th Moon: Becomes Her Vision
This past weekend, we entered the domain of Weaves the Web Grandmother. Weaves the Web is a favorite of mine, probably because I spend HOURS exploring creativity and writing. Here is a snippet of what Jamie writes about Clan Mother Weaves the Web:
“Weaves the Web represents the creative principle within all things…Working with the truth is her Cycle of Truth. She teaches us how to use our hands to create beauty and truths in tangible forms… Weaves the Web is the Guardian of the Creative Force in all things. She helps us express our creativity in a positive manner and use the energy available to us. This Clan Mother is also the Keeper of Life Force and instructs us to create health, to manifest our dreams, to develop and use our talents, and to access our spiritual potentials…”
Several things light up and become more obvious to me when I read about and meditate on the energy of Weaves the Web; First, as a writer I’d like to remember that Creative juice flows through all of creation on Earth. And what I write and create with that juice is not really mine to “own” – it’s just my interpretation of the the magical creative juice that fuels our world. And that juice carries fundamental Truths that permeate every corner of our Universe.
Truth can take many forms. Every spiritual tradition contains gems and nuggets of truth and wisdom that are available to help me in this crazy, confusing cycle of days known as a lifetime. If I decide that one teacher or one school of thought is the only source of truth for me, then I lock up and limit my world and my possibilities.
Finding and holding onto truth can be as elusive as trying to catch a fish as it flashes in the sun at the surface of a lake for just a brief instant. Wrapping words around the truth to explain it is a very tricky business; no words ever completely catch the essence of a truth because truth is an energy, a sensation of lightness and expansion. My truth creates space and opens up a new view of the world to me. Words never quite do justice to the energy that is truth.
When I search for truth, I can choose to put blinders on and follow only one teacher as though he or she holds all the keys that will unlock me and lead me to wisdom. Many people prefer that way – it simplifies their search for truth and wisdom. But I can refuse to wear blinders. I can choose to search out those flashes of truth from every teacher, every tradition, every corner of the Universe that catches my awareness and speaks to me. The second way takes more patience and goes against the norm, but I find it to be infinitely more rewarding.
In every moment of my search for that elusive flash of truth in my world, I have a choice. And I choose truth in whatever form it shows itself to me.
🌙
Joy Patrol – the Full Scoop
4am – I wake up to a strange sound… can it be? Yes, it’s raining here! Finally. After a brief stint at the window with Dog Goddess Brigit – the smell of wet pine trees is AMAZING (!) – I return to bed and the land of nod.
7am – I prepare to go on Dawn Joy Patrol. My mission? To Hunt down Joy wherever it may be hiding… But first – what do I wear for this special mission??!
7:30am – After a brief descent into angst and indecision, I have chosen an outfit for Joy Patrol! It consists of groovy, yet functional Safari pants (may be rough out there) and a Bedazzled T-shirt. Oh yes, and a silly grin must be part of every Joy uniform 🙂
8am – My ADD gerbil brain flashes on a photo I found weeks ago of my brother and I reporting for Joy Patrol duty. Today’s Joy Patrol mission is happily sidetracked for 10 minutes while I locate the photo in question. LOL – We were such happy young whippersnappers! Apparently John and I already knew the value of wearing silly glasses and grinning like fiends when you are hunting for joy…
the early years
8:15am – Hubby David and I rendezvous at Amante Coffee in north Boulder for provisions. My Soy Bhakti and Brego are exquisite. Hooray for joyful tastebuds!
However, I find the hip Amante crowd to be super serious and unsmiling. When David dares me to whistle, and I comply with a short rendition of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” – people are not amused. The Amante crowd actually appears to be questioning my sanity. Such is the price one pays as a bona fide member of the Joy Patrol. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make…
8:45am – I leave Amante and head out to hunt for joy on a walk with Dog Goddess Brigit. Our search for Dog Joy is stalled by several streets to nowhere and roadblocks (a common occurrence when on the road to Joy):
9am – Brigit and I finally arrive at Wonderland Lake in north Boulder. Despite the rain, Dog Goddess Brigit is quite happy to report for Joy Patrol this morning.
10am Brigit’s full Joy Patrol report is illegible – it must be hard to type with wet paws. Luckily I am here, ready and willing to translate for the Dog Goddess!
The gist of Brigit’s report is as follows: Yucky part of Dog Joy Patrol in the rain? Drippy nose and ears. Favorite part? Stinky MUD everywhere!!!
My report on the dog joy portion of Dawn Joy Patrol? A picture is worth a thousand words…
(No joke… that is really the name of the lake)
Next stop on my personal Joy Patrol? Who can say? I happily go wherever Joy has been rumored to be hiding. Stay tuned…
Am I a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?
What if I am both a good witch and a bad witch,
depending on the day?
When did I decide that women are supposed to be sorted into good or bad? saint or sinner? When did I conclude that we are either innocent pure madonnas or conniving evil whores?
I blame my messed up need to decide whether I’m good or evil on too many Disney movies… and I’m only half kidding! I challenge you to name one female Disney character that is not some ridiculous caricature of pure good or pure evil. And no, you CANNOT count the female dog in Lady and the Tramp! I’m talking about female HUMANS in Disney movies – name one – I dare you. 🙂 Consider Snow White and her nemesis, the Evil Queen. How about Cinderella and her Evil Step-mother? Or there’s Ariel and the Evil Octopus Lady Ursula. We are talking some seriously twisted black and white views of women!
Or maybe I should blame it on my Christian upbringing… no, wait, those are ALL bad, evil woman images aren’t they? Eve, Lilith, Salome, whorish Mary Magdalene. The only good female image I can come up with after years of Sunday School is Mother Mary and she is merely a vessel at the beginning of the story brought in to birth the baby Jesus. Then she exits quickly stage left. The Bible expresses a pretty dark view of my gender.
But it’s not just women getting labelled all good or all bad. The entire world seems to obsess about sorting everyone and every experience into good or bad, right or wrong, black or white. We love to polarize! Watch what the politicians say about each other and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Last week the Republicans praised Mitt Romney as our national savior and vilified Barack Obama as the evil anti-christ. This week it’s the Democrat’s turn; now Obama is wearing the white hat and Romney is pictured in black. What if we chose to realize that BOTH candidates are just mere mortal men? Human beings with both strengths and weaknesses? What if we just stopped buying into this black and white bullshit?
If you hate politics, just watch a little reality TV and notice how black and white it is. The Kardashian sisters appear to spend every waking moment fighting about which of them is the good-est witch and which is the baddest! Even the son-in-laws are sorted into good (Lamar) and evil (Scott). It is so polarized and so divisive. But it makes for tons of drama. And we all just cannot seem to look away.
What if we just stopped playing the polarity game? What if we chose to see the world as a thousand different shades rather than just black or white? Blow that black and white mindset up! It only makes us crazy and upset anyway.
Ok, so what if I embrace both my good witch AND my bad witch? Everyone who knows me will tell you I am quite capable of being both – and sometimes even in the same day. 🙂 What if I just relax and stop judging myself and my every experience as GOOD or BAD, RIGHT or WRONG? And what if I stop judging everyone else too?
I remember a story I heard years ago about the dangers of judging our experiences as good or bad:
A farmer had only one stallion. One day, the horse jumped a fence and ran away.
All the neighbors came by saying, “Oh no! Such bad luck! You must be so upset.” The man just said, “Maybe good, maybe bad – too soon to tell.”
A few days later, his stallion came back and brought twenty wild mares with him. The man and his son corraled all the horses.
All the neighbors came by saying, “Wow! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “Maybe good, maybe bad – too soon to tell.”
A few weeks later, one of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, and broke the boy’s leg in 3 places.
All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “Maybe good, maybe bad – too soon to tell.”
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed many young men from the region, but the farmer’s son was spared; his broken leg prevented him from fighting.
All the neighbors came by saying, “You are so lucky! Your son didn’t have to go fight” The man just said, “Maybe good, maybe bad – too soon to tell.”
What will happen if I live in a state of not judging myself or my experiences?
What will happen if I meet EVERY experience with the energy of “maybe good, maybe bad – too soon to tell”?