A huge thunderstorm brews just over the horizon as I take a wonder walk at Wonderland Lake. Thunder rumbles on the ridge, yet the lake is still, perfectly still. Reflections of the foothills play on the surface of the water. The air is charged with magic potential. My mind stills. I remember a passage from one of my favorite books:
The silence is all there is. It is the alpha and the omega. It is God’s brooding over the face of the waters; it is the blended note of the ten thousand things, the whine of wings.”
My Dad passed last week. And this week I have many memories coming up about him; things he said and did, what I loved about him and also a few things I didn’t like so much. One of my favorite memories is hearing him call me Goldilocks. Goldy or Goldilocks was my Dad’s nickname for me. Even in his last days, when I would visit him, he would look up, smile and say, “It’s Goldy!” when I walked into the room.
I liked being called Goldy. No one except my dad has ever called me that. So, the nickname passes on with my dad, which is a little sad. But I had many years of being called Goldy or Goldilocks, and the name still makes me smile. Goldy actually referred to the golden blonde hair I had as a child. But Dad also used the name because he said, like Goldilocks, I would search and try out new things until I found the one that was “just right”. So true, so true! I still do that. Apparently I was picky and unwilling to settle even as a young girl. 🙂
I still search and push to find that one “just right” thing. I have found amazing houses to live in because of my constant quest for “just right”. And I love finding just the right restaurant, hiking trail, lawn chair or vacation spot. Searching for “just right” also led me to shift careers and try a lot of different jobs until I zeroed in on a profession that truly suits me. And my inner life is so much richer because of all the spiritual traditions I have explored over the years while searching for one that was just right for me.
But searching for “just right” can also be problematic. I have to be careful that my “just right” search doesn’t degenerate into a search for perfection. Yes, there is a difference between perfect and “just right”. Perfect has an obsessive-compulsive energy to it. When I get locked in perfect mode, it feels absolutely necessary to attain perfection. For example, when writing I sometimes get sucked into searching for the perfect word or phrase. And I feel compelled to keep trying and trying long after a reasonable person would quit. I can waste a ton of energy and make myself completely miserable when I fall into perfect mode.
The search for “just right” is more relaxed than perfection – there’s nothing necessary about finding “just right.” In the fairytale Goldilocks could sleep in any of those beds – she just wants to optimize her comfort! So Goldy takes a few extra minutes to try out every bed. There’s nothing OCD about it. “Just right” is about exploring all the options. “Just right” is nice to have, but not necessary.
My Dad is gone now, exploring in other realms. But while he was here with me, he taught me a lot about life and myself. I love that he found my “just right” quest interesting and amusing. Another parent might have turned this personality trait of mine into a problem. But Dad embraced me and my “just right” quirkiness. I love remembering that.
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” ~Buddha
Joy can seem as elusive and slippery as a soap bubble.
Yet once, years ago in meditation, I realized that joy and misery lie just a hair’s width apart within my mind. The image of joy and misery just micrometers apart within me, was so clear that I startled and came out of my reverie giggling. I remember that moment in vivid detail even now years later. And I knowthat I choose whether I will feel joy or misery or something in between in this moment. And the next. And the next.
It only takes a tiny shift in the mind to move from misery into joy; a micron of a shift; just a slightly altered point of view.
Breathe. And breathe again. Deep, slow breaths that fill your lungs. And feel whatever body sensations are present now; feel the sensations that joy is hiding behind. Breathe and feel your body. Then allow joy to step out of the shadows and be here now.
Can it really be that simple? Yes. Yes!
“A human being is only breath and shadow.” ~Sophocles
After we flew across the country we got into bed, laid our bodies delicately together, like maps laid face to face, East to West, my San Francisco against your New York, your Fire Island against my Sonoma, my New Orleans deep in your Texas, your Idaho bright on my Great Lakes, my Kansas burning against your Kansas your Kansas burning against my Kansas, your Eastern Standard Time pressing into my Pacific Time, my Mountain Time beating against your Central Time, your sun rising swiftly from the right my sun rising swiftly from the left your moon rising slowly from the left my moon rising slowly from the right until all four bodies of the sky burn above us, sealing us together, all our cities twin cities, all our states united, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
“These are my recreation pants.” ~Nacho, AKA Jack Black
We have a “recreation pant” tradition at my house. What exactly are recreation pants, you ask? Think loungewear. Think pajama bottoms. Think baggy, comfortable and elastic!
Recreation pants go on at my house when it’s time to leave the problems of the day behind. We will even announce to each other that it’s time for recreation pants! It may sound silly to you, and it did actually start out as a joke. But the idea of putting on my recreation pants has come to mean much more to me.
The idea of recreation pants came to us after watching Jack Black ham it up in his irreverent and hilarious movie Nacho Libre. In the the movie Nacho, AKA Jack Black, wants to impress the hot young nun (yes, I mean nun). So Nach0 puts on his tight white stretch pants (think Saturday Night Fever pants). Then he poses against a pole and flexes his glutes for the nun. Seriously! It’s a bit of Jack Black comedy genius.
At my house, recreation pants still make us smile, but it’s not remotely about looking hot or impressing people. Just the opposite. Around here, recreation pants are all about being relaxed and comfortable and not needing to impress anyone. Besides, who can look hot and sexy in old, baggy pajama bottoms anyway?
Recreation pants signify that I can let my hair down and just enjoy hanging out with people I love. Doesn’t everybody needs peeps that they can wear their recreation pants in front of without losing face? I wonder if the problem with most politicians and public figures is that they NEVER think it’s safe to put on their recreation pants. Who among us can stay “on” 24 x 7? It is impossible. At some point we all need to stop worrying about looking the way we’re supposed to look and saying the things we’re supposed to say. Sooner or later, we all need to don our recreation pants.
My true home is a place filled with people that enjoy my company – even when I’m wearing my recreation pants. 🙂
“Every situation, no matter how challenging, is conspiring to bring you home to you.” ~Panache Desai
A nasty February blizzard is cooking outside – the wind is blowing so hard that the snow is not falling to the ground so much as blowing south horizontally. I watch it blow like stink and Thank God for indoor plumbing… Can you imagine having to wade out to an outhouse in this??!
So, what goes best with a blizzard? It’s definitely den time with the family. And I find myself craving soup. Yes, soup sounds yummy. But I hadn’t really planned on making soup this weekend. I didn’t buy soup fixin’s… what to do? what to do? Hmmm, maybe I can use what I’ve been given and rustle up some soup anyway. I love a challenge. 🙂
After rummaging through the refrigerator, here’s what went into the soup this morning:
1/2 onion, chopped 1 celery stalk, chopped 1 cup fresh spinach leaves I live on greens – my nickname around here is Popeye, so I always have spinach or kale or something green in the fridge
1/2 roast chicken, bones removed, skin tossed in to make broth This is leftover roast chicken from 5 nights ago. I bought it when I didn’t feel like cooking 1/2 lime, juiced I’ve never put this in soup before, so it’s purely experimental 1 Clove garlic Required – my hubby LOVES pretty much anything with garlic in it Salt and Pepper
In an hour I’ll pull out the chicken skin, add water and toss in 1 cup rice, 1 tsp. dried lemongrass and let it simmer a few minutes longer. The smell is already filling the house and making my mouth water!
Use what you’re given is an idea from a little book, Instructions to the Cook, written by Glassman & Fields. These two Zen practitioners ran charities that provided food and housing for the homeless on a shoestring budget for years. So they know all about creating something special from whatever you’re given. And their little book has inspired me on many occasions to stop, take a deep breath and figure out how to happily use whatever life is giving me in this moment.
“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath.
