Resistance is Futile

Flame Tree
Flame Tree in Snow

Change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same for very long.

I take the same trail beside the St. Vrain river almost every day, and yet it is never quite the same path two days in a row. One morning last week on the trail, I was surrounded by tree branches filled with fiery autumn leaves. A few mornings later, snow completely blanketed the flaming trees and the sights and sounds of winter engulfed me.

Life is filled with cycles and shifts. From the passing of seasons to the aging of my body, change surrounds and engulfs me. And life continues to shift and change every day, every month, every year. Grasping at the old form, resisting change, makes today hurtful rather than joyful. I learned this lesson the hard way;  years ago I owned a property south of Kansas City that I loved.  I adored every inch of those 3 acres – every tree, every bush, every blade of grass was special to me.  The property was so significant and special that I wrote an entire book about the place (my first book, A Still Place).

And there was nothing bad or wrong about my love of that little parcel of land. The only problem was I clung to it and vowed to live in that spot until I died.  Silly, silly woman!  Well, life happened; I got divorced from one man and married another. I had a second baby and still I held onto that property. I refused to even think about moving. Then my husband’s job dried up and we faced a move cross-country to Chicago. And I had trouble letting go; I resisted leaving my lovely little property. But we needed to move!  The only thing my resistance caused was a slow, slow house sale and a ton of pain and angst.

We eventually sold the property and moved to Chicago. I was so sad, missing my little plot of land, wishing things were different, wanting to roll back the clock and undo the move.  But gradually, I let go. And when I finally stopped holding onto my past, I “woke up” and discovered that I was living in an amazing spot.  I found myself LOVING this new place and my new life.  All it took was letting go of the old life.

That experience left me knowing that my life is WAY less painful when I allow things to change and shift without resisting or pushing against the change. Resistance is futile! Resisting change only leads to pain and misery. 

I seem to periodically have to revisit this lesson in letting go and allowing life to unfold organically.  I can still make myself miserable trying to force today to look like some “perfect” day long past – or some fantasy day that I’ve never even experienced.  I can be so stubborn!  But when I remember that little piece of land that I adored so many years ago, I remember the value of letting go.

It’s odd; I have so many fond memories of that land south of Kansas City. 🙂 But now, I also remember all the amazing and wonderful stuff that happened to me when I let it go and moved on with my life.  And you know what? Today, I live in a space that is even more amazing!  And I would have never ended up here, if I hadn’t let go of that old place.

Life is a river; it keeps flowing and changing and moving. And in every moment I have a choice;  I can cling to the riverbank and wear myself out trying to stay right here in this spot. I can fight and resist moving downstream. Or I can let go and allow the flow of life to take me. I can let go and trust that  life can be even better around the next bend.

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Can I stop resisting and be grateful for change?

Can I let go of my urge to control and push and grasp?

Can I allow life to unfold and shift organically?

Can I just breathe and allow today to be?

 

Do Conscious Beings Get Triggered?

Hideous Swamp, Beautiful Swamp

Emotion is as natural for humans as breathing.  
I don’t make my breathing right or wrong, so why do it with my emotions?

It’s been an interesting week; I have spent more time than I care to remember in my swamp.  By swamp I mean a sticky, tangled, mess of uncomfortable emotions within myself. I don’t like my emotional swamp much – a lot of what I experience in the swamp sucks – it hurts. And then I add to my pain by judging myself for feeling this sticky, yucky crap in the first place. I would love to avoid my swamp.

Isn’t life supposed to turn into bliss and pure joy when I open up to more consciousness?  Have I failed because I still get triggered after all these years of mindful awareness training?  Am I doing this consciousness thing wrong if I still get pissed and sad and scared?

But, wait a minute!  All humans emote about their experiences – even beings as aware as Gandhi and Jesus felt emotions. Our bodies are wired to flow with emotion.  Emotion is as natural for humans as breathing.  I don’t make my breathing right or wrong, so why do it with my emotions?

Every experience I have can trigger emotional reactions, not just the yummy experiences.  Where did I get the idea that becoming conscious meant never being triggered, never feeling “yucky” emotions?  Isn’t that just a really sneaky way to judge myself and find myself lacking?  Just what I need – another way to beat myself up and make myself bad or wrong. NOT!

And what if being more aware in each moment elicits even more emotion within me?   All those sensations about this moment that I used to block or ignore are now available to me in my new state of awareness. What if those sensations trigger MORE emotions as I respond to all the new information I am now aware of? Is that somehow wrong?

And isn’t it just another form of judgment to label emotions  good or bad, acceptable or repulsive?  How is it going to help me to label my emotions as OK and not OK?  Can I let go of the idea that some human emotions are a sign of unconsciousness or inferiority?

We are emotional creatures. Trying to stop emotion is like trying to halt the flow of water. Can I allow my emotions to flow without stuffing them?  And can I stop judging myself right or wrong for feeling the way I feel in each moment?

What happens if I embrace it all – my grief, my anger, my fear?  Can I allow my emotions to be waves washing through me? What happens if I embrace ALL of me – even the parts I don’t like – in every moment?

“It’s not that you won’t be triggered anymore.
It’s that you won’t have a problem being triggered anymore.”
–Panache Desai

Joy Patrol – the Full Scoop

4am – I wake up to a strange sound… can it be? Yes, it’s raining here!  Finally.  After a brief stint at the window with Dog Goddess Brigit – the smell of wet pine trees is AMAZING (!) – I return to bed and the land of nod.

7am – I prepare to go on Dawn Joy Patrol. My mission? To Hunt down Joy wherever it may be hiding…  But first –  what do I wear for this special mission??!

7:30am – After a brief descent into angst and indecision, I have chosen an outfit for Joy Patrol! It consists of groovy, yet functional Safari pants (may be rough out there) and a Bedazzled T-shirt. Oh yes, and a silly grin must be part of every Joy uniform 🙂

8am – My ADD gerbil brain flashes on a photo I found weeks ago of my brother and I reporting for Joy Patrol duty. Today’s Joy Patrol mission is happily sidetracked for 10 minutes while I locate the photo in question. LOL – We were such happy young whippersnappers! Apparently John and I already knew the value of wearing silly glasses and grinning like fiends when you are hunting for joy…

Joy Patrol
the early years

8:15am  – Hubby David and I rendezvous at Amante Coffee in north Boulder for provisions.  My Soy Bhakti and Brego are exquisite. Hooray for joyful tastebuds!

However, I find the hip Amante crowd to be  super serious and unsmiling.  When David dares me to whistle, and I comply with a short rendition of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”  – people are not amused. The Amante crowd actually appears to be questioning my sanity.  Such is the price one pays as a bona fide member of the Joy Patrol.  It is a sacrifice I am willing to make…

8:45am – I leave Amante and head out to hunt for joy on a walk with Dog Goddess Brigit.  Our search for Dog Joy is stalled by several streets to nowhere and roadblocks (a common occurrence when on the road to Joy):

The Road to Joy is not always Clear

9am – Brigit and I finally arrive at Wonderland Lake in north Boulder.  Despite the rain, Dog Goddess Brigit is quite happy to report for Joy Patrol this morning.

10am Brigit’s full Joy Patrol report is illegible – it must be hard to type with wet paws.  Luckily I am here, ready and willing to translate for the Dog Goddess!

The gist of Brigit’s report is as follows:  Yucky part of Dog Joy Patrol in the rain? Drippy nose and ears. Favorite part?  Stinky MUD everywhere!!!

Muddy Dog Goddess Brigit

My report on the dog joy portion of  Dawn Joy Patrol?  A picture is worth a thousand words…

Wonderland Lake

(No joke… that is really the name of the lake)

Next stop on my personal Joy Patrol?  Who can say? I happily go wherever Joy has been rumored to be hiding.  Stay tuned…

 

What is Awareness?

“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment.
 This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, 
every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), 
every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, 
every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. 

Every moment is the guru.

–Charlotte Joko Beck

My experience of awareness;   I take Dog Goddess Brigit on a walk by the river. We walk the same path almost every morning.  On many occasions, I have returned from our walk and realized that I didn’t really notice my surroundings at all that day. I have been completely lost in my thoughts, unaware of what was right in front of me. I have been wrapped up in planning my future or ruminating on my past and the river slipped by unnoticed by me.

But some days are different; some days I actually focus on the path and my steps and the sounds on the wind. I notice the feel of the leash in my hand, the smell of some bush or tree nearby.  And those moments when I am actually present and aware are so potent!  On my aware days, I notice many new things that I never noticed before – even though it is the exact same path Brigit and I walked yesterday.  An aware walk is magical.

It is as though I am more alive in aware moments. Awareness amps up my sensations and makes everything richer and fuller.  For me, even awareness about something heavy and hard like sorrow or pain beats feeling half alive.  I’ve learned that numbing out and avoiding yucky emotions and sensations comes at a price – if I numb out,  I will also lose the yummy sensations and emotions that make my life sing.

Meditation teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn describes awareness as being mindful, being present with whatever is in this moment. He calls it the art of “falling awake”.  Ram Das tells us to Be Here Now.  Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh speaks of dwelling in the present moment.  Not just living… dwelling in the moment.  Seems like a very simple idea. And I find it very difficult to pull off most days!

Modern life seems to be about distraction rather than awareness; we distract ourselves by turning on TV shows we only half watch. We woof down food we don’t really even taste.  We walk around dreaming of tomorrow or lamenting yesterday. We surf on the internet, popping from screen to screen without really taking any of it in. We pride ourselves on being able to do 3 things at once, even when we can’t actually remember much about doing any of them!  Is that living?

I suspect that Dog Goddess Brigit is at least 100 times more aware than I am on any given day. My big, “superior” human brain gives me the ability to analyze and plan far beyond anything a dog can plan. And those same human abilities complicate the simple act of staying present and aware in this moment. My strength is also my weakness. Can I stop planning and analyzing long enough to notice what is here, right in front of me?  Analysis is as useless as a dog chasing her own tail when it comes to being aware.

I wonder how much I miss when I am walking through my day half aware of what’s around me here and now?  What would it take for me to double or triple how many moments of the day that I am actually present?   What if I stop analyzing EVERYTHING and put my big, silly human brain to work sensing and perceiving what is here in front of me? What is the value of analyzing what happened yesterday if I miss today?  How much richer can my day to day reality become if I make awareness my priority?

☾  ☼  ☽

More Tree Joy

 “Wherever I stand, I hear the trees petition.”  –William Stafford

Patterns

I think of how the rain
is washing life away. 

How do I know what life
has in store for me? 

It is strange that I cannot
figure out the pattern. 

The trees are so perfect,
they know how to grow.

— Leticia Gray

This amazing poem is from Salting the Ocean; 100 Poems by Young Poets.

Poems in the book were selected by Naomi Shihab Nye.

All the poets were schoolkids in grades 1-12 when they wrote their poems.

Being the Joy of You

Joyful Baby Me

Joy spontaneously flows in us, as us, from us
When we remember how AMAZING we truly are. 

Can we allow ourselves to BE that space of flowing joy? 

What will it take for each of us to relax into Being Joy? 

What will it take for us to live from that place of flowing joy? 

How much joy can we embody and share with the world? 

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These are the questions I wonder about, that matter to me.
Am I willing to open to the possibility of more Joy every day?? 
How about you?   Would you like to live in joy every single day? 

If your answer is YES, please join me by phone from wherever you find yourself on September 13 and / or September 20th.

Let’s explore remembering who we truly are!  Let’s explore being pure joy!

What: Being the Joy of You Tele Call Series
When: Thursday September 13th and September 20th, 2012.  Attend one or both calls – your choice.
Where: Phone in from Any Town, Anywhere
Cost: $19, includes both Tele Calls on Sept. 13 and Sept. 20

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Contact me if you want to be part of this Joy thing:  nancy@nancylankston.com

Advice to Myself – Seek Joy

Morning Glory

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world
and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

–E.B. White

Why choose one or the other? What if BOTH are possible?

What if I can work with Joy, eat with Joy, move with Joy, live with Joy AND leave the world a better place?

What if the simple act of going for Joy brings light to the entire world, to all humanity?

What if the seemingly selfish act of  pursuing Joy is the easiest, most graceful way to change everything?

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EVERYTHING within me that’s getting in the way of JOY, blow it up!
Make space for Joy now.